Single mom (or dad) vs single parent with kids

There’s a difference. If you are a parent living alone with your kids, there’s no question that it’s hard. But if the other parent helps out financially and is willing to spend as much time with them as possible, then you are not a single parent. You are a single person with children. On the flip side if the other parent won’t help financially and their visitation is sketchy due to their own fault, then yes you are a single parent.
In general, a court will look at a woman as a single mom (not that it doesn’t happen the other way around) and the mentality is she has to do it on her own so  let’s make it go her way as much as possible. But if we are trying to make it easier, wouldn’t it make more sense to allow the other parent more available in the lives of the children? To help with the day to day activities? To even out the daily stresses between both parents?

A Voice for Parent Equality

Single mom vs single woman with kids. Father’s rights vs Dead beat dads. Women beaters vs women that cry wolf. These are endless battles and not enough people fighting them. So, I’ve decided it’s time to join the war. The war to give parents equality in the courts, equality in their children’s lives. To support those the fight FOR their children and to stop those that fight USING their children. It may not really take a village to raise a child, but it certainly takes a family.

We need to change the mentality of who “deserves” custody of a child to what does the child deserve. No one really plans for a divorce or a break up. But it happens. One parent may physically leave the home, but it shouldn’t be assumed that because they are the one that left that they don’t want their child. Maybe the home belongs solely to the ex partner, maybe they want to leave a rough situation without uprooting their child from their home immediately. Regardless of the reason for leaving, it happened because the parents ended the relationship with each other, not with their child. There is always two sides to every story. And often, in these cases, each side has a lawyer, a family member or friend, whoever, whispering “good” advice-only let him have one weekend a month, she cheated so make her suffer, he’s cheap so make him pay, and on and on. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are legitimate reasons to fight for custody-drugs, abuse, etc. Otherwise, why can’t custody and support be split more evenly? Ask yourself and see if your answers have anything to do with your kids. He didn’t give you enough attention? But does he give it to his kids? She cheated on you often? But does she parade men in front of her children? He closes the bars down some nights? But does he do that on his weekends? Odds are all the answers have nothing to do with what is best for the child. Neither parent is perfect and even if you had stayed married, more than likely, each of your parenting ideas would have been just a little bit different. If it’s a difference that bothers you, than talk it out. Don’t try to fix it by withholding visits or jacking up child support.

Women fought to be equal to men and they win a little more ground every day. The LGBT community has been fighting for equality and they’ve been winning by leaps and bounds. So why aren’t parents equal? In general, it’s just assumed by the courts that the children should live with the mother and a father must prove why he should be allowed to be a father. Why do perfectly capable and willing parents be forced to jump through hoops to prove why they should be allowed to visit with their own child?

Write to your local officials. Call you state representatives. Write letters to the editors of your local newspapers. The legal system is sick and the children suffer for it. Please help the children by fighting for their chance to be loved and taken care of by both of their parents.